Shift in Trajectory

So here’s the thing.

I’ve been wondering for a while about what to do with my life.

I’m sure at some point most people go through this as well, I’ve gone through it many times when I was younger up until, well, now.

I can’t say what it is exactly. I’ve had many good career starts where I can make good money and see a future growing in that industry. For example I worked at a bank for a few years which led to a bookkeeping & accounting job. Then I worked front desk/administration for a corporation which led to working alongside executives. I even worked at a bridal store and a donut shop for some time.

At all of these jobs I have enjoyed. That’s something I’ve always prided myself with—being able to make good of any situation. Even if the workflow is low or boring I am able to still take away more good than bad (usually) from any work experience, or most any experience for that matter.

In April I was laid off.

I was shaken at first, I mean who wouldn’t be? My husband and I worked for the same company and both got let go on the same day due to budget cuts. To be fair, they laid off about half the company so it was not really a surprise to us that we got hit as well. Still, within the span of 24 hours we went from being new homeowners with great, fulfilling jobs to having our financial stability pulled out from underneath us.

We filed for unemployment along with everyone else in the country who was getting laid off due to budget cuts and sulked for about half a day.

The next day our guinea pig got really sick and died. He was the first pet we had together and it was pretty heart breaking to see the little guy suffer until the end. I thought that was my lowest point.

Then my dog got sick.

My dog was almost 14 years old and my family picked him up when he was only 9 weeks. He died four days after our little piggie.

Toulouse, 2018

That was my rock bottom.

I thought I’d hit rock bottom before, but not like this. I stopped eating. I stopped working out. I stopped caring. I pretty much stopped talking.

Luckily, I was on spring break so I didn’t have to worry about attending classes for arguably the worst week of my life. But it also allowed me to realize something: I needed to make a change in what I was doing if I wanted to be happy again.

The night my dog died I signed myself up for acting classes. They didn’t start for two weeks so I knew I had some time to collect myself before attending, but acting/performing and creating were things that I’ve always enjoyed and have made me feel whole. Art is therapeutic, so of course it made me feel better.

As the weeks went on and school became my full time job I started to question what I should be doing.

Should I try to go back to admin work? Should I look for more corporate jobs? Should I just stay unemployed through the end of the year and focus on finishing my degree?

Being the creative that I am, I started my YouTube channel.

This didn’t answer any of the previous questions, if you hadn’t noticed, but it did make me feel better and got me up off the couch and doing something, even if it was just one day a week.

I started planning my shooting/editing/posting schedule, my husband helped me find camera and mic equipment and we worked together to get things set up so I could be filming, editing, and uploading weekly videos.

It’s a lot of work, but wasn’t quite enough to keep me busy.

So I started a podcast as well.

I called up my bestie and asked if she’d be willing to record a podcast with me and Almost True was born. For the most part we just recorded our conversations, but we’ve been trying to get better about sticking to actual topics.

Then summer classes began and I realized how much work I’d actually been doing.

1 day of shooting, two days of learning about shooting/editing videos and doing the editing, two days of podcasting and audio editing, plus 8 credits of college courses, yoga, cooking, baking. I was exhausted. But I was also keeping myself busy so I wouldn’t have to think about what had happened. That wasn’t great.

So when my summer classes started I tried to focus my energy on them and quickly learned I actually just like being busy. I’ve always known that about myself but I don’t enjoy sitting around watching tv all day. I really like having something to do, even if it’s blogging or going for a drive or whatever.

At this point I’m halfway through my summer term. I have 3 weeks left of my classes and I’m really enjoying them.

Like I said before, one of the things I’m grateful for is my ability to make good out of any situation.

So I got laid off. That frees up my time and takes away my excuse to not go on to finish my bachelor’s degree. Before I used to tell people, “Oh, yeah, I might finish it someday if I can take online or night classes. But I have a career and I’m just going to focus on that.” When in reality I really wanted to go to school but was scared to leave my job or have to make that choice.

Easy, choice was made for me. Now I have the time and freedom to continue my education.

I don’t want to say losing my pets was good. It was really hard. It still is. But if I hadn’t gone through that I never would have put myself back out there and started acting and creating again. Those were things that were missing from my life that I didn’t know I was desperately seeking until now.

So I made a decision: I am going to create my own path.

I don’t yet know what that looks like but I’m working to figure it out.

This time has given me insights into who I really am and what kind of career I want.

I am going to give myself a platform to write (blog).

I am going to give myself a platform to speak (podcast).

I am going to give myself a platform to move (fitness/dance).

I am going to give myself a platform to learn (college).

I am going to give myself a platform to create (YouTube).

These 5 things are what I am giving myself right now. I am a firm believer that if you decide on a path, stick to it, and be a good person along the way things will work out in your favor. What those things are exactly, I’m not sure yet. But I honed in on my top 5 interests and found ways to express them all. My hope is that through my studies and various outlets I can learn and make connections and find a little more clarity in where my life is headed career-wise.